Being 34 and single is not the saddest thing in the world! Yes, you get questions from family members and friends, but the answer is…I’m waiting.
Now am I waiting by choice? No! lol Am I waiting patiently? Not on most days! But the reality of the moment is I am waiting, and I am ok with it…as of this week. lol I have my moments when I wonder where “he” is, or as my friend and I jokingly sing, “What took you so long? I’ve waited for a long, long, long, long, long, loooooooooong time.” Lol But this week, I have become really content with waiting.
I’m not waiting for “Mr. Perfect” because he doesn’t exist. I’m not waiting for a “list” to be fulfilled, because it doesn’t exist either. Yes, I do have my personal preference of him having a thick neck and manly thigh, but I’m not shallow enough to say that is a non-negotiable. His other qualities just better be amazing is all I’m saying. Lol
No…seriously I understand the physical can and will change, so there has to be more. I understand the importance of having a friendship established. I understand making love a choice and more than just a feeling. But as I wait, God has shown me some other things.
Back in 2012, I started to study through the gospels, and surprisingly was knocked of my rocker in Matthew 1. I really took notice of the person Joseph had to be in order to be chosen as Mary’s husband and Jesus’ earthly father. Here are some of the things that I saw:
Joseph’s character and maturity – He wanted to end his engagement quietly with Mary, because he didn’t want to embarrass her. (Matt. 1:19) He could have been upset and embarrassed himself that his soon to be wife was now pregnant, and not by him. But he chose to not embarrass her.
Hears and obeys the voice of God – When he was told the plan by an angel of the Lord in a dream, he woke up and did as he was told. He didn’t delay his obedience. He recognized the voice and immediately obeyed. (Matt. 1:24)
Honored the Lord and his wife above his own desires – Joseph didn’t consummate the marriage until after Mary gave birth to Jesus. He put his own desires aside to honor the Lord and what the Lord was doing in Mary. (Matt. 1:25)
The things mentioned above really spoke to me and gave me some insight on how I will recognize him.
Character is a huge thing for me. Who are you when no one is watching? He has to be a man of great character and have strong convictions. Now when I speak of convictions, I want Him to have a relationship with God so strong that if/when he gets off track, HE can get him back on track. I need to know that he hears from the Lord clearly, because I need to know that I can trust where you are leading us. My dad told me a while back that he would need to love the Lord more than he loves me. And I couldn’t agree more! I want him to live in a way that he desires to please Him in every area of his life.
Those are the most important things to me, when it comes to a spouse. Having a way to aid our family financially (that is legal!) and being a great father are also included. But all of those things work together and stem from a real and authentic relationship with the Lord.
I’ve often joked about how small the pool is for me, and other women that are like me. The pool was already decreasing in size when I decided to not party and have sex outside of marriage. Then it decreased more when I decided to start serving in ministry and tap into the gifts that God had given me. Then when I experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit, true freedom from religion, and spiritual/emotional healing/deliverance, I felt like there was no pool at all…only a puddle! Lol And dare we mention the prophetic?
So, what you now find are amazing men in this puddle being eyed like “the last chicken wing at the buffet” according to my friend Paula Taylor. As much as I didn’t want to be a part of the “buffet women” I found myself falling prey to it, because you start to wonder is there anyone else?? Are there more of your kind?? Then you think you may have spotted one, only to realize that it may be a different wing at a different buffet, but it’s still the same scenario.
I don’t want to be at the buffet. I don’t compete. I don’t walk around with a sign saying, “Pick me!! Pick me!!” That’s not saying that I am closed off and shut down. I am still practicing The V Word, but I am waiting. I know what “he” looks like, not physically though.
I will bypass the thick neck and manly thigh (you can always feed him and take him to the gym! Lol) for someone who has great character, hears from the Lord and obeys Him, and honors the Lord above his own desires as he covers me and what I am carrying. That’s what “he” looks like.
I’ve sang this song at several weddings, and I absolutely love the lyrics…
“The one I’ve waited for. My love’s design. The one He kept for me until it was time.”
Until it is time, I will continue to wait. But while I am waiting, I will be working on me. Getting myself to a better place, spiritually, financially, physically, and emotionally. He is definitely worth the effort and the wait…