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I Just Want To Be Regular

When I was in middle school I was in the academic accelerated program called Vanguard. However, in seventh grade, I was not consistent with my doing my work. So, as a result my grades were consistently bad and I was kicked out of the program.

At some point during that journey, I told my parents I wanted to be “in Regular”. Now what they heard me say was, I wanted to “be regular.” They didn’t understand that being “in Regular” meant that you were simply not in the accelerated program. They thought that my plea was to “be Regular”.

And maybe they were hearing something as parents that I would indeed blurt out from time to time in my adulthood. Because there have been many days where I have desired to simply be regular or normal.

From the time I was a kid, nothing has been “regular” for me. I’ve always been different. I was the talkative one out of my sister and I. I went to a different school than the kids in my neighborhood. I was usually 1 of 2 or 1 of 3 black students in my classes. Being different became my norm. So much so, that I stopped noticing my differences and simply enjoyed being Rheva.

But there came a point when being different wasn’t fun anymore. I wanted to be REGULAR! Regular people had it easy, or so it seemed to me. And this mindset stretches far beyond middle school and into adulthood.

Why couldn’t I just be a business major and work my way up the corporate ladder? Why couldn’t I just attend church on Sundays and volunteer for a few events? Why couldn’t I just marry someone who has a great heart and goes to church? Why can’t I be content with driving a nice car, living in a nice house, and working to maintain it all?

Simple answer…because that’s not how I am wired.

Yes there are days and moments when I would love just a piece of normalcy in my life. A day where I feel like I am a normal adult, living a normal adult life, and minding my own normal adult business. But the thought of living that way also makes me cringe.

Although I know life will change when I get married and have a kid/adopt a kid (whatever is feasible at that time), I do not want to sink into a life of settling. I want to take my husband and kids with me on ministry trips. I want to still be open to hearing God’s voice when He says pack up and move here next! I want to still be trusted to take on tasks that require my faith muscles to be stretched. I want to always take risks for Him!

To me that’s a “regular” life.


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One Comment

  1. Kandis Kandis

    I’m very glad you aren’t normal & that the idea of being a normal adult makes you cringe. I’m watching you. I’m grateful for you. Your steps of obedience to God motivate and push me to do the same. Keep growing and going friend, I’m right here with you for the whole ride. LETS DO THIS!!!

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